Understanding...

Its hard for me to understand how two people can get along so easily yet one person has a hard time being honest with the other. We would basically finish each others sentences. Have the same ideas. Want to do the same things. But still honesty was difficult for her. Was it real. I don't know what to believe anymore. Why should I believe anything that she has said to me. It is obvious that her first choice is to lie and maybe admit to it later. Why is she like that. I don't understand. I have shown her that I am a good man. Why is she afraid of committing herself to a relationship. I understand not wanting to be hurt. But why would you hurt someone else. That is being hypocritical. Why would she do the same things to me that I did to her in the past yet say that those things still hurt her. Why not think of that when she was deciding whether or not to lie to me. Why not think of that before she decided to deal with other men. How can she be what she supposedly despises so much. That doesn't add up. That doesn't make sense. I want to believe that at some point in time her feelings were genuine. But it is extremely hard to convince myself of that being true.

Fred

Time for a change????

Is what I've been doing lately not right? I have been asking myself this question quite frequently lately. I know that no one person is perfect nor is there a "perfect" way to live. But I can't help but ask myself is there something that I did that I shouldn't have or is there something that I should have done that I didn't do. Who knows. But I feel like I may need to try different things out to see if they work for me. So if you see me acting different, trying out different things, or just find yourself thinking "he usually doesn't do that", don't be surprised because it might be time for a change.

Its been too long...

Life, Life, Life…How, What, Where, Why, When, Who? How did I get here? What have I been doing? Where do I want to be? Why do I want to be there? When will I feel a sense of settlement? Who will I be with?

There are so many times in my life when I start asking myself these types of questions and sometimes I can’t answer them. I am not going too lie, it bothers me when I can’t answer them being the logical problem solver that I am. I feel like every question has an answer and I should be able to figure it out or find someone that can tell me. But I also realize that I am not meant to know everything. I think that so far in my life that has been one of the hardest things for to accept. It is extremely hard for me to accept that if even if I put my mind towards figuring out the answer that I may not find it. Why is this?

So many things happen in everyone’s lives. We interact with many people. We meet new people. We move on from bad relationships (including friendships). We grow. We stay the same. We learn. We love. We do so many things. But we always have to remember that this life thing is not guaranteed. Ask yourself questions. Push yourself. Don’t accept that you are not unique. There are over 6 billion different people on this earth. No two people are alike.

I try my hardest to be different. I try my hardest to take advantage of everyday. I try my hardest to show the people that I have in my life that I Love them and that they are special to me. I feel like that is part of my duty. I have to be that person in order for me not to feel like I am being the average person. I want to experience Love, sacrifice, commitment, respect, confidence, etc. All these actions and emotions that are so hard for people to accept and understand. I want that. I want to learn more about those actions and emotions. Sometimes I feel like that is what my life may be about. I know that I feel a sense of relaxation when I am around my friends and loved ones that share those feelings for me. I know that when I feel loved it causes me to want to love more. Don’t take love for granted. Cherish Love. Cherish life. Cherish today. All of these things are not guaranteed. I know that. That is why I live my life to the fullest. This is why I SHOW my love to my family and friends. This is why I SHOW my love when I find that special lady. I will never live my life any other way again.