Monday, August 23, 2010

Work it out

It feels good to be back in the habit of working out and eating slightly better. I’m down below 200lbs for the first time in probably 3 years. Let’s see if I can meet my goal of 180lbs by my birthday, per a challenge by my pops.

Being in better shape will also help me out at flag football on Sundays. I really don't want to pull my hammy AGAIN :( so dropping a few lbs will help that.

Lets go!!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Ha!

It’s interesting to me how I fool myself into believing some things. One moment I feel as though I have a new understand of myself and the path that I am trekking in my life. Then life slaps me in the face, I begin to transgress my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like I’m back to where I “began”. I get into moods where I will start to analyze everything that I have done and even attempt to trace possibilities of if I had of gone left instead of right. I feel as though my problem solving itch pushes me to over think past and current situations thereby causing me to second guess any and every decision that I have made and am going to make. This undercuts my understanding of knowing that I am not perfect nor am I going to make the “right” decision all the time. Yet, this is something that I have a difficult time accepting. Now, I have learned many lessons from decisions that I have made that didn’t turn out as I thought they would and I feel these lessons gave me a better understanding of some things. But, separating my rational thoughts from my irrational feelings is always a challenge. I’ve understood this for a while now and I am learning that controlling these irrational feelings will be a long process. I look back at many situations and understand what I did good, bad, right, wrong, etc. But my feelings have not completely caught up and moved on. By the way, I’m not just talking about relationships. My feelings attempt to control my mind thereby pushing me to wonder “did you really do the right thing?”, “are you sure you made the right decision?”, “maybe you should try to fix this”… I’m learning to not let my feelings push my mind into being any more irrational than it already is. To me, this will be a test that I know I can concur. But, I know it will take time, patience, and practice. Keeping my life simple is a key for me. I don’t like complicated, I don’t like drama, and I won’t let others bring me down or pull me back to how I used to be.

I am a big collage of all the decisions that I have made good and bad, all the people who have impacted my life, and all the experiences that I have had. This is Freddie. I‘m not where I would like to be yet in my life. But, I am not ashamed of the mistakes that I have made because I wouldn’t be where I am today without making those decisions. I have gotten lucky because I have done some very dumb things and didn’t have to pay large consequences for them. But, that’s life. So where will I be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, in five years, etc….I don’t know. But, I will do my best to continue moving forward while enjoying my life and impacting others along the way.

Cheers to life….it’s what you make it