Grow your food, know your food...Why I Garden.

Tasting the crunchy sweetness of a freshly picked sweat pea or the warm juicy sweetness of a fresh picked tomato is something everyone should experience, I think it could open many minds as to how good fresh vegetables can really taste.  

A higher appreciation grows for your food when you're able to create a garden space where vegetables and other plants can grow. Having that space allows you to literally connect to your food in ways that most people don't nowadays.

First we built a small raised garden bed.  Shortly after that we built a chicken coop for six chickens so that we could have fresh eggs. Then planted a group of fruit and berry trees. 

Now our backyard has transformed into a living growing space having an array of perennial trees and berries bushes, and an annual vegetable garden bed area that is filled with varying stages of growing vegetables that we eat from as much as possible.  

When you're able to create meals featuring ingredients from your own garden space not only does it add another layer of personal connection to the meal, but your also able to know exactly where that food came from, how it was cared for, know that those plants were not sprayed with any chemicals, and also know that that plant was a healthy part of a polyculture not a chemically drenched monoculture. 

And by having a garden space that isn't sprayed with any chemicals, we are able to enjoy the constant presence of bees, lady beetles, and other insects that are attracted to the array of flowering plants that are growing.

This is why I garden.  And why I want to garden more in the future.  

What started as us creating our first garden space described above, hopefully next leads to us creating a more self sustainable permaculture based ecosystem around our next home.  

Stay tuned for how that creation happens...

Our Self Worth

Our self worth isn’t tied to numbers in our bank account, the height of accolades we’re able to accomplish, the size of house we’re able to acquire, or the level of employment we’re able to obtain.

It is tied to the depth of connections one is able to make with themselves and others, the level of authenticity we’re able to seek from within and then bring into our life experiences, the fullness of the moments that we’re able to allow into our field of view, the uniqueness of the lane that we’re able to carve out as we move along in our life.

This is not to say that the later is superior to the former. But that if we’re able to steer ourselves towards creating more moments filled with authenticity and unique self expression, then we will be experiencing a life that is filled with meaning forged by ourselves and with our own authoring. 

Free time, now family time

It’s funny how quickly life changes being a parent. 

Pre kid I had all the time to get things done. Enough time for work and self care. 

Attending two or three yoga classes a week, as well as practicing at home on many of the other days. Also having enough time to stay on top of the nine-to-five duties. 

Now, weeks go by without me doing a single asana pose. I try to squeeze in light stretching as much as possible to ease the tightness that inevitably builds in my body. The usual places of course. 

I also find myself routinely behind on work and having to spend long days grinding out work to meet my quota during the days approaching my deadlines.

Yet, there has also been other shifts now that we have a growing child amidst us. 

She adds to our lives in more ways than I am able to describe. 

Almost daily new surprises arise from her.

Some days I miss what was before and all that I was able to get done and the things I had time to do. 

But each time those genuine family moment happen or our little one surprises us with another wonder, I’m reminded that there has been a lot more added to my life now by being able to have the experiences that she’s adds to our lives.   

And for that, I’ll be forever grateful for her it what she brings to our lives.

Tensions equals opportunity

What do we do when we feel the tensions building from within...

Do we look to allow space for understanding, connection, and compassion?

Or do we let the reactions take us over, to lead us down that twisted path of over-reaction where, if you're like me, you're later post-event processing all the things you wish you would've said or done differently...

My goal is to not have these post-event processing regrets sessions and actually be able to bring my authentic responses in those challenging times. 

I've learned that when I'm able to have more understanding and compassion in those times, I'm then able to better see my reactions arising.  And also, allowing for me to have a better connection with the other person, even through the building tensions. 

Those moments of tension are really moments of opportunity, for ourselves, and the others, where we can learn many lessons and have those deep felt life moments.

"We're all just walking each other home" - Ram Dass

Cheers to getting better each day at taking steps with each other!

That whispering voice

There is a small part of me that will sabotage things if I let it.

Sometimes that part of me is a slight whisper that I get in my head, saying all the things I like to hear during the times I'd most appreciate not hearing them.  That whisper has all the great ideas and to do's that attract me.  Sometimes it wins too.  And I find myself pulled away from work, walking around the garden, finding plants that may need tending to. Probably then getting lost in a task in the garden. Finding more space to plant some seeds, or especially now, tidying up from all the squirrel holes from their winter storing and retrieving of acorns.

The thing is, that voice is definitely the loudest when I'm doing the things that I don't want to be doing.  Which is mainly the current job.  Even me knowing that a plan is set for this to change, the resistance I get to showing up for the job doesn't lesson. That voice of sabotage creeps into my head, especially in the busiest of work weeks, and offers up all the great things to do except work!

That whispering voice that is a part of me, isn't a bad part. It is actually quite helpful at times. 

I don't look at myself as being made up as one "self" per se.  But more as a collective of selves that all find a way to work together while we're moving along.  In some moments, one self may be more prominent than the others.  But all having a function, purpose, a meaning of sorts to me. 

There is most certainly a part of me that I go to when I have to dig deep down, in order to meet a work deadline, silencing all the distractions out in order to get things done.  Because I've never been that person to quit or not show up when things get difficult. So I know what that feeling is when pushing pass that resistance, that whispering voice of sabotage, by digging deep down and silencing it when absolutely needed.

Then there is also that part of me that needs its time to walk around the garden or have a dance party with the family while listening to music before dinner time.  

They are all parts of me. Different selves, each being where we are at for a reason or purpose.  Even the part of me that wants to sabotage me.  It's part of me, for a purpose, it just may not be for the purpose at that current moment.  

I'm learning to acknowledge the whisper, give it it's time and space, and move on if needed, letting it know that it'll be your time later.   

There is still work to do, and that is ok

 No matter how far we've come, there is still work to do, and that is ok.

This morning I raised my voice at our almost 4 year old. It was a hectic morning as usual in our house, but this morning my anger got the best of me.  I reacted to a heightened situation with her instead of responding.

Almost immediately I was ashamed of myself and knew that I should have responded to her with more understanding and compassion, instead of a rushed emotional reaction.

I went outside to reset and when I returned she said, "you raising your voice at me heart my heart papa", my heart sunk and I'm was even more ashamed.  I apologized to her and told her that I shouldn't have raised my voice at her.  And we all continued our morning routines, with me doing my best to soften the tension that was created.

Me reacting in this way doesn't happen often.  And when it does, it tends to be during times of heighten stressors happening.  The work is improving myself in those times of heighten stress and learning to catch those reactions before they surface.

I'm better at that now than I was in the past, but there is still plenty of space to improve, especially when it comes to having more positive responses to my closest loved ones.

Take a breath.  Forgive yourself.  Do better next time.  Repeat.

 

Take a breath Papa

 "I think you should take a breath Papa".

This is what Wren say's to me during an tense moment between us.  Me wanting Wren to listen to my instruction, I believe during dinner time, and her wanting to decide for herself what she wants to do.  

She has been tip toeing this line between what she know's she's supposed to do, but also exploring the boundaries of possibility as well.  This period has been quite the challenge to parent mindfully.

"I think you should take a deep breath", is what I said in return.  It was truly the best I could do at the time, which looking back at it now, was a decent response.  Other than the tone I used in delivering the message.  But, this parenting this is a practice, right?

I believe it is, as with many things.  Practicing a little bit, here and there, slowly taking those steps towards where we'd like to be.  These steps not always necessarily being forward, some are sideways, kiddy corner, backwards, hops, skips, etc.

I think the point is to keep moving. No matter the speed or direction, just keep moving. Towards those self improvements we want to make. Just go.

Stay committed to the practice of self improvement, even in those moments when we feel like we didn't respond the best to a situation, or in hindsight wishing that we'd responded differently, or better.  We have to know that its all apart of the practice and know that the more that we show up willing to do the work to improve, the more we will be moving towards those places where we'd like to be.

Her eyes

I'll never forget the feeling of looking deep into her eyes and sharing smiles together.

I get the deepest sense of connection with Wren each time that her and I share a moment that is punctuated by a deep gaze and smiles.  Having her in my life has been an endless flooding of many things, completely shifting my perspective on so many things from where my life is going, where i've been, and if this vector i'm heading on is wanted. 

That deep connected that I feel when looking into her eyes is almost akin to looking into my younger selfs eyes.  Eyes filled with wonder, curiosity, and joy.  I cannot help but have the the deep urge to help her to maintain all of those things in her view and lead her life with them in clear view.

And each time we share those deep eye gazing moments, me seeing that pure smile of hers, i'm motivated even more to cultivate a life for her where she is able to wonder deeply, be curious of all that things her mind brings, and filled with the never ending joy that this life may bring.

Back at one

 No matter how far in the journey I feel I may come. I find myself feeling back at step one.

I'm learning to understand the cyclical nature of all these things.  And also remembering that in the end I am merely human so I shall always do human things.

The anger, sadness, emptiness, frustration and all the things will always appear.  I'm learning to greet them lightly so that I may learn all that they are willing to share.

The more teachings that I am able to experience in this life. Will allow each time around this cycle to be a little lighter in its flight.

Thankful...

Well…Hello,

It has been quite a while since I’ve put my thoughts to “paper”.  It is definitely not because of a lack of thoughts.  Or maybe to be clearer, not because of a lack of critical thoughts, deep questions, pivotal moments (in hindsight), etc. Let me rewind…

I stumbled upon a thought recently.  This thought was…I’ve had this feeling of searching for something my whole life with hopes of finding this something one day.  And now I had the sense of release from that search as if I found that “something”.  It was a very deep feeling at the time and I remember that I suddenly felt lighter.  As if my weight was pouring down my body and into the ground.  I was in my backyard and I would describe it as the weight dissipating to the ground around my feet.  At the time, it made me pause slightly, then I suddenly felt…Happy.  Well, I’m usually a pretty happy and at peace person.  But at this time my happiness level seamed to “level up” a bit.  I then looked up at the sky and the biggest smile swept over my face.  Its hard to truly describe the feeling that swept over me during those moments.  As I don’t feel like I can type any words to truly describe that feeling.  But I will add that to date, I feel like that moment in hindsight was one of the best moments of my life.  Wow…typing that brings a tear to my face.

Some may not consider a random moment, in your backyard, hanging with a dog and some chickens, being a pivotal moment in ones life.  But for me, it was.  We create our moments and we decide how to perceive the things that are placed in our sensory field.  And recently I feel as if I’ve been able to tap into a deeper part of myself. And in this, I have come to many personal realizations.  This experience being one of them. 

Even though I had this thought and subsequent feeling of being happier, lighter, more at peace…I couldn’t really pin point what I had “figured out”.  Again, the words escaped me.  But I felt I had learned something and also had a greater sense of knowledge that I couldn’t really describe. How can I have this greater happiness yet not fully understand why?

I don’t remember whether I pondered this question to myself for some time, but being who I am at this point I moved on from it and accepted this new found greater sense of happiness and continued to spread smiles throughout my path.

Fast forward to some weeks later and I’m listening to a podcast and I hear this phrase…

               “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” - Heraclitus

Whoa!

I had been searching for something I was never going to find. 

I was searching for myself.

Who am I.

You…are!

These are the thoughts that came to me as I heard that being said.  I then felt as if I knew what it was that I released in that moment in the backyard.  I stopped my searching.  Or maybe its better put…my search had ended.  I knew internally that I could release those feelings, thoughts, and actions of trying to figure out who I was. And just be me. I’m always going to be changing.  I’m always going to be growing.  And also, things are always going to be changing around me.  My environment. My job. My family. My friends. Everything…

But this is ok and I felt the sense of accepting this in that moment as those thoughts crossed my mind.  Life is change.  And I also, will be forever changing.  Like plants sprouting and being picked in a garden and the sands that are swept into the deep ocean.  In accepting this I feel as if I have leveled up my happiness and I feel lighter.  Possibly actually lighter also as I’m down to the same weight I was sophomore year at MSU (yes…I’m very surprised!).

So…maybe this is why I hadn’t written much in the recent years other than quick snip-its of my thoughts in status up dates or insta-post. I hadn’t felt I could fully encompass my thoughts in a snip-it.  And…really, I didn’t know what to write due to this feeling of the constant mindset of searching I put myself in.  Maybe I felt this because of the constant change around me and I couldn’t express my thoughts well.  Or maybe it was the thoughts of embarrassment of the then life situations or not wanting to publish my true, honest thoughts and/or feelings.  Not really sure, nor do I feel the need to figure out the why.  Just accepting that also. 

We don’t need to find ourselves, because we our ourselves.  Be you.  Be that forever changing you, without judgment and accept yourself.  And also, just as importantly accept the forever changing world around you.  For we cannot forever hold onto something that is forever changing.  We only have it for a moment. And in that moment is all its value.

Namaste.  

Freddie

Tick…Tock…Tick…Tock

I was speaking with a friend the other day and one thing that kept coming up in our conversation was time.  This person, as do I, focuses on really taking advantage of all of the time given to them.  Time is our most precious gift and I know that at times (pun intended) many of us forget this. 

We trade time for many things, money being the most popular.  Then we spend this money on other things that occupy our time.  So we trade time doing something we may not enjoy for time doing something that we may enjoy.  Really sitting back and thinking about this makes me wonder if this makes any sense at all…Obviously there are situations where people enjoy their jobs or enjoy doing whatever it is they do for money.  So for them the sacrifice of time isn’t as drastic.  But for many others, whom hate their jobs or just don’t enjoy it, this trade can be quite detrimental.  Me…I enjoy my job.  But I also don’t have to sacrifice as much time as others.  Plus my time is spent in my home and not at a traditional “office”.  I am lucky in this regard.  So if we trade our time working for money, why don’t we spend more time outside of working doing things we actually enjoy, or really taking advantage of Life!

Lets break down time…

We have 24 hours in each day.

7 days in each week.

365 days each year.

52 weeks in each year.

The average life expectancy for a person is about 78 years.

We spend anywhere between 7-8 hours sleeping each night.

For the sake of simplicity I’ll say the average adult works 40 hours each week and gets 1 week off per year.

The math…

8 hours of sleep each day * 7 days a week = 56 hours.

80 hours of work in 2 weeks.

112 hours of sleep in 2 weeks.

2920 hours of sleep each year.

2040 hours of work (minus the 1 week off).

2920 + 2040 = 4960 hours each year spent sleeping and working.

8760 hours total in each year – 4960 = **3800 hours of “free time” in a year**

3800 * 78 years = **296,400 hours of “free time” in an average lifetime**

Forgive my math breakdown above…but breaking down the math helps me visualize time better being the very logical and analytical person that I am.  As shown above, a person whom has a full time job and averages 8 hours of sleep per night will have 3800 hours to do what they want each year and they may have 296,400 hours in their lifetime.  These do not subtract travel time to and from work or any location, cleaning ourselves, or any other activity that takes 15-30 minutes here and there.  So the actual totals are much smaller.  

These hours may seem massive.  But they are not once compared to the time we trade doing things we must do like sleep or earn money.  

What we choose to use our “free” time on should be considered more valuable to us than what we are trading our time for doing work, sleep, etc.  If we reminded ourselves of how precious time is we wouldn’t trade it for just anything or to spend it with just anyone.  We would require that thing or person to mean a lot to us.  Instead we trade times for many things that do not benefit us in anyway.  Why do this?  If you knew you had 1 year to live exactly from today what would you do with your time? Would you spend any of your time watching TV? Would you be spending 8 hours each week day working? Would you sleep 8 hours a night? Would you not keep in touch and build relationships with your family, friends, and loved ones? Would you travel the world, country, or outside of your comfort zone?  Would you not appreciate all the little moments in your life spent doing the “little things” like enjoying a good meal or conversation with another human?

These are things that many of us don’t think about.  We spend a lot of our time earning money, but what do we do with that money…do we spend it traveling the world to experience new cultures and meet new people, do we spend it helping others in their lives, do we spend it on friends and family, do we use it for entertainment…the list goes on.  Many of us spend our time getting a higher education so that we may earn higher amounts of money for our time.  But, earning more money doesn’t make the trade easier because many of us compound our expenses and don’t get full use out of the more money we are earning.  

Lets not waste time…I’ve thought about potentially using another word here instead of waste.  But I want it to be clear that time is precious, therefore waste fits for me.  Don’t waste your time in a job that isn’t either providing you with the joy of being at that job or the income to do many other things you enjoy supplementing not enjoying the job.  Don’t waste your time with friends or in relationships that aren’t mutually beneficial.  If someone isn’t helping you in some way, shape, or form, they are hurting you.  The best relationships are about helping each other not bringing one another down.  Surround yourself with people whom want to build each other up and have similar goals and ambitions as you.  Surround yourself with people whom also appreciate your time and understand how precious it is to you and their selves.   

Some people learn in their lives how precious time is and begin to take advantage of all of the wonderful moments life has to offer.  Others don’t realize how precious life is unfortunately until it is too late.  I choose to enjoy the moments in my life to the best of my ability.  Of course it’s all about balance (I’ve blogged about this before), so I’m not quitting my job (yet) to travel around the world living out of a backpack.  But I am doing my best to travel to as many new places that  I can, meet new people and build relationships with them, work on my current relationships with friends, family, and loves ones, and enjoying and embraces all the moments in my life good and bad.  These are things to me that are worth my time.  What is worth your time?

Fred

Approaching the 3-0

It’s definitely been a while since I’ve taken time to post some thoughts on here.  My thought process has been quite active but I haven’t had that overwhelming urge to share many of these thoughts until now.  A thought that has had a constant presence in my mind is my perspective on my life and how I approach many situations now.  My perspective has evolved after having the amazing experience of traveling to Cambodia and being back home almost saddens me.  Let me explain…I have regular thoughts of how people are living in Cambodia knowing a little about what they have experienced. This has humbled me greatly.  I am a very fortunate person who has been able to achieve many things in life that some people will never experience or even have a chance of experiencing.  I’m not just talking about driving (nice) cars, traveling around the world, or having a well paying job.  It’s the things that we consider simple that others yearn for….running water, eating regularly, traveling more than a few hours away from the place you were born, being able to experience other cultures and places, a roof over our head, and stability.  Over these past few months I have been focused on really appreciating everything that I am able to have in my life especially the simple things. 

Life is tough.  But one thing that I think many of us forget is we don’t have as tough a life as many others do across the world.  If we learn to appreciate the simple things that we are able to have on a more consistent basis we will only improve as people.  This will start a ripple in your life that will allow for a greater appreciation for many things leading to a greater appreciation for your life in general.

As I approach my 30^th birthday I find myself less and less excited about that day.  Instead I’m becoming more excited for everyday that I am able to wake up and appreciate the people who I have been fortunate to meet and have relationships with, the job that provides me with flexibility to do many things outside of work, a healthy body that allows me to be able to still play sports, a wonderful family that has always supported me, great friends that don’t always tell me what I want to hear, and living in a great city that is very diverse and allows me to meet new people and experience many other cultures.  This list could go on and on, but I’ll leave it at that.  

I hope that soon I will once again be able to travel abroad because I know that these experiences will only help me in my life journey.  Opening our minds to others and their experiences only enhances our mind and perspective.  Life’s a journey…embrace every moment of it.

Fred

Cambodia Trip Day 10

Today we would head back to Phnom Penh before flying back home the next day. That morning I shot a few pictures of the sunrise from the beach. Some of them should be good.

We boarded the boat back to the mainland which was the first part of our journey that day. The waters weren’t as calm as they were during the trip over, so it was rough and wavy ride back. We then missed our 2pm bus because it left at or a little before 1:45pm. Gotta love Cambodia LOL. Luckily we were able to get seats on a 5:30pm bus because no taxis were available to take us to Phnom Penh. That could of got interesting with us schedule to fly back to the states the next day…

Once we reached Phnom Penh, Sam, our tuk tuk driver from earlier in the trip, picked us up and drove us to the Cody’s place where we stayed our last night.

Traveling back to the U.S. of A. the next day…it was a great trip. Recap coming soon…

Fred

Cambodia Trip Days 8 and 9

After a good breakfast we were off to catch our boat to Monkey Island resort on Koh Rong Island. A representative from monkey picked us up in order to escort us from the mainland to the island. As we were riding to the boat Mickey, our guide, informed us about the island and the activities on Koh Rong. The island is basically untouched by human hands and there are only a few bungalow type resorts along the coast of the island along with some small villages. The island is about the size of Hong Kong and there will soon be some developmental projects on the island including an international airport. We had thoughts of hiking through the jungle on the island but that was quickly halted once Mickey told us there are king cobras, boa constrictors, pythons, and quite a few poisonous species of spiders and scorpions on the island. Just the beach for me!

The boat ride was about 2 hours since the boat basically crawled through the water LOL. We could have easily gotten to the island in 30-40 minutes by speed boat….but we’re on vacation, so no rush. The ride was beautiful though. We passed many other islands, which also have minimal or no development on them.

As we approached Koh Rong, I could see the white sand beach along with the bungalows lining the coastline. It was a beautiful sight. Once we reached the island we navigated our way to the beach on the shaky and still under construction pier. Monkey Island was then only a short walk from the pier, and after we checked in, we were escorted to our bungalow. The bungalow is very basic but it had all we would need for a few relaxing days on the beach. It was situated only about 20 meters back from the beach and we could hear the waves crashing against the coastline from the bungalow. The staff at monkey, other vacationers, and Khmer people on the island were all very friendly and our stay on the island was a great way to finish off our trip.

After a good night rest, I woke up to the sound of waves crashing against the beach. I can’t think of too many things better than that to wake up to. After a nice breakfast while overlooking the beach, we spent most of the day relaxing in hammocks on the beach. Life’s good!

That night one of the staff members put on a fire show. This was the first time I had seen a fire show and it was quite impressive. I got a few good shots of it.

I will definitely return to Koh Rong one day…hopefully before too much development has been done. It is an amazing place to relax and get away from many things.

Fred