Grow your food, know your food...Why I Garden.

Tasting the crunchy sweetness of a freshly picked sweat pea or the warm juicy sweetness of a fresh picked tomato is something everyone should experience, I think it could open many minds as to how good fresh vegetables can really taste.  

A higher appreciation grows for your food when you're able to create a garden space where vegetables and other plants can grow. Having that space allows you to literally connect to your food in ways that most people don't nowadays.

First we built a small raised garden bed.  Shortly after that we built a chicken coop for six chickens so that we could have fresh eggs. Then planted a group of fruit and berry trees. 

Now our backyard has transformed into a living growing space having an array of perennial trees and berries bushes, and an annual vegetable garden bed area that is filled with varying stages of growing vegetables that we eat from as much as possible.  

When you're able to create meals featuring ingredients from your own garden space not only does it add another layer of personal connection to the meal, but your also able to know exactly where that food came from, how it was cared for, know that those plants were not sprayed with any chemicals, and also know that that plant was a healthy part of a polyculture not a chemically drenched monoculture. 

And by having a garden space that isn't sprayed with any chemicals, we are able to enjoy the constant presence of bees, lady beetles, and other insects that are attracted to the array of flowering plants that are growing.

This is why I garden.  And why I want to garden more in the future.  

What started as us creating our first garden space described above, hopefully next leads to us creating a more self sustainable permaculture based ecosystem around our next home.  

Stay tuned for how that creation happens...

Our Self Worth

Our self worth isn’t tied to numbers in our bank account, the height of accolades we’re able to accomplish, the size of house we’re able to acquire, or the level of employment we’re able to obtain.

It is tied to the depth of connections one is able to make with themselves and others, the level of authenticity we’re able to seek from within and then bring into our life experiences, the fullness of the moments that we’re able to allow into our field of view, the uniqueness of the lane that we’re able to carve out as we move along in our life.

This is not to say that the later is superior to the former. But that if we’re able to steer ourselves towards creating more moments filled with authenticity and unique self expression, then we will be experiencing a life that is filled with meaning forged by ourselves and with our own authoring. 

Free time, now family time

It’s funny how quickly life changes being a parent. 

Pre kid I had all the time to get things done. Enough time for work and self care. 

Attending two or three yoga classes a week, as well as practicing at home on many of the other days. Also having enough time to stay on top of the nine-to-five duties. 

Now, weeks go by without me doing a single asana pose. I try to squeeze in light stretching as much as possible to ease the tightness that inevitably builds in my body. The usual places of course. 

I also find myself routinely behind on work and having to spend long days grinding out work to meet my quota during the days approaching my deadlines.

Yet, there has also been other shifts now that we have a growing child amidst us. 

She adds to our lives in more ways than I am able to describe. 

Almost daily new surprises arise from her.

Some days I miss what was before and all that I was able to get done and the things I had time to do. 

But each time those genuine family moment happen or our little one surprises us with another wonder, I’m reminded that there has been a lot more added to my life now by being able to have the experiences that she’s adds to our lives.   

And for that, I’ll be forever grateful for her it what she brings to our lives.

Tensions equals opportunity

What do we do when we feel the tensions building from within...

Do we look to allow space for understanding, connection, and compassion?

Or do we let the reactions take us over, to lead us down that twisted path of over-reaction where, if you're like me, you're later post-event processing all the things you wish you would've said or done differently...

My goal is to not have these post-event processing regrets sessions and actually be able to bring my authentic responses in those challenging times. 

I've learned that when I'm able to have more understanding and compassion in those times, I'm then able to better see my reactions arising.  And also, allowing for me to have a better connection with the other person, even through the building tensions. 

Those moments of tension are really moments of opportunity, for ourselves, and the others, where we can learn many lessons and have those deep felt life moments.

"We're all just walking each other home" - Ram Dass

Cheers to getting better each day at taking steps with each other!

That whispering voice

There is a small part of me that will sabotage things if I let it.

Sometimes that part of me is a slight whisper that I get in my head, saying all the things I like to hear during the times I'd most appreciate not hearing them.  That whisper has all the great ideas and to do's that attract me.  Sometimes it wins too.  And I find myself pulled away from work, walking around the garden, finding plants that may need tending to. Probably then getting lost in a task in the garden. Finding more space to plant some seeds, or especially now, tidying up from all the squirrel holes from their winter storing and retrieving of acorns.

The thing is, that voice is definitely the loudest when I'm doing the things that I don't want to be doing.  Which is mainly the current job.  Even me knowing that a plan is set for this to change, the resistance I get to showing up for the job doesn't lesson. That voice of sabotage creeps into my head, especially in the busiest of work weeks, and offers up all the great things to do except work!

That whispering voice that is a part of me, isn't a bad part. It is actually quite helpful at times. 

I don't look at myself as being made up as one "self" per se.  But more as a collective of selves that all find a way to work together while we're moving along.  In some moments, one self may be more prominent than the others.  But all having a function, purpose, a meaning of sorts to me. 

There is most certainly a part of me that I go to when I have to dig deep down, in order to meet a work deadline, silencing all the distractions out in order to get things done.  Because I've never been that person to quit or not show up when things get difficult. So I know what that feeling is when pushing pass that resistance, that whispering voice of sabotage, by digging deep down and silencing it when absolutely needed.

Then there is also that part of me that needs its time to walk around the garden or have a dance party with the family while listening to music before dinner time.  

They are all parts of me. Different selves, each being where we are at for a reason or purpose.  Even the part of me that wants to sabotage me.  It's part of me, for a purpose, it just may not be for the purpose at that current moment.  

I'm learning to acknowledge the whisper, give it it's time and space, and move on if needed, letting it know that it'll be your time later.   

There is still work to do, and that is ok

 No matter how far we've come, there is still work to do, and that is ok.

This morning I raised my voice at our almost 4 year old. It was a hectic morning as usual in our house, but this morning my anger got the best of me.  I reacted to a heightened situation with her instead of responding.

Almost immediately I was ashamed of myself and knew that I should have responded to her with more understanding and compassion, instead of a rushed emotional reaction.

I went outside to reset and when I returned she said, "you raising your voice at me heart my heart papa", my heart sunk and I'm was even more ashamed.  I apologized to her and told her that I shouldn't have raised my voice at her.  And we all continued our morning routines, with me doing my best to soften the tension that was created.

Me reacting in this way doesn't happen often.  And when it does, it tends to be during times of heighten stressors happening.  The work is improving myself in those times of heighten stress and learning to catch those reactions before they surface.

I'm better at that now than I was in the past, but there is still plenty of space to improve, especially when it comes to having more positive responses to my closest loved ones.

Take a breath.  Forgive yourself.  Do better next time.  Repeat.

 

Take a breath Papa

 "I think you should take a breath Papa".

This is what Wren say's to me during an tense moment between us.  Me wanting Wren to listen to my instruction, I believe during dinner time, and her wanting to decide for herself what she wants to do.  

She has been tip toeing this line between what she know's she's supposed to do, but also exploring the boundaries of possibility as well.  This period has been quite the challenge to parent mindfully.

"I think you should take a deep breath", is what I said in return.  It was truly the best I could do at the time, which looking back at it now, was a decent response.  Other than the tone I used in delivering the message.  But, this parenting this is a practice, right?

I believe it is, as with many things.  Practicing a little bit, here and there, slowly taking those steps towards where we'd like to be.  These steps not always necessarily being forward, some are sideways, kiddy corner, backwards, hops, skips, etc.

I think the point is to keep moving. No matter the speed or direction, just keep moving. Towards those self improvements we want to make. Just go.

Stay committed to the practice of self improvement, even in those moments when we feel like we didn't respond the best to a situation, or in hindsight wishing that we'd responded differently, or better.  We have to know that its all apart of the practice and know that the more that we show up willing to do the work to improve, the more we will be moving towards those places where we'd like to be.